Someone you trust. The following excerpts are from the upcoming book The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality by Julie Sondra Decker, out September 2014.

Identifying as asexual can feel alienating because it’s not talked about enough in the media or in everyday conversations. Both gray-asexuality and demisexuality are part of the asexual spectrum. So now that we got that all of the way, hopefully there’s a bit more clarity about what exactly asexuality is. For example, you might not be able to remember the last time you had a sexual thought. You are able to acknowledge their beauty without getting turned on. You may not get sexually aroused at all, but it’s possible that you sometimes will. It’s worse if they’re half naked in their pictures 24x7. They might also masturbate because it makes them feel better. You should not be ashamed of your asexuality.

Please help us continue to provide you with our trusted how-to guides and videos for free by whitelisting wikiHow on your ad blocker. You still enjoy the occasional bear hug. You are perfectly normal and you also aren’t alone. Some people would call that asexual. You might still be struggling to figure out who you are. Gays have many female and LGBTQ+ friends, but very few straight men. One day you’ll like it.”. Unless and until he decides he wants to get treatment and make some changes, the life you have is what he can offer you. It might not even be on the list at all.

According to the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), the definition of being asexual is “someone who does not experience sexual attraction or an intrinsic desire to have sexual relationships (or the adjective describing a person as such).” A few other things that asexuality is not, as defined by AVEN: a choice, a disorder, or the result of a hormonal imbalance. Please Log In or add your name and email to post the comment.

I mean, a normal person would at least glance, right? During the rare instances when you develop a crush on someone, it’s someone you know well. My disinterest in having sex with him wasn’t rooted in the usual reasons—that “a lady” was expected to save herself, that I was afraid of sex, that I didn’t want to get diseases or get pregnant—I simply had a complete lack of interest in sex and anything related. Sexual attraction means wanting to have sex with a person and feeling aroused/excited at the idea of doing sexual things with them. I feel like media only talks about the way that humans are programmed to want sex and not the side of it where there are people who don’t feel that way. It certainly wasn’t the thrilling experience movies and romance books had led me to expect. Sometimes, you forget how sex-crazed the rest of the world is because physical intimacy is not important to you. Massages. So this one may seem contradictory, but being asexual does not mean you are blind to people’s physical attractiveness. Still, he warns, asexuality “is just that: a tool. You can also still be asexual if you have sex, being asexual is defined by yourself. "Sometimes my sexual attraction grows as I get to know someone I’m interested in, but other times it’s instant upon first seeing or meeting someone.”, One major misconception is that asexuals don’t experience love or related feelings.