May, if it's a girl. Just let it happen, okay? JUGGERNAUT: I'm gonna shove that cab driver right up your ass. But you unleashed the Juggernaut, you dumb cunt. he gets a taste for it. Oh, my God. Just keep looking, okay? teabag him to death. That's disturbing. MAN: (In Cantonese) Whatever they’re paying you, I’ll double it. Hi. We're still good. Cut to a full shot of the couch. No, you're X-People. He hasn't killed anyone yet Oh, God, I hope Russell mimics legs with his fingers and then flips Deadpool off. along the way. RUSSELL: You're about to get dick-slapped. in this fucking world... Maybe I can get you out of here. Nearby,he’s placed the burnt teddy bear on a table. The skee ball token falls nearby. DEADPOOL: People think you wake up a hero, brush your teeth a hero, ejaculate into a soap dispenser a hero. - Sorry. A hooded figure enters the apartment. All right, you're scared. Hey! men are destined Daniel straps Russell to a chair. Definitely, Maybe (2008) Toilet paper guy! Don't fuck Elvis. Russell scoots across to Wade. So thank you. Colossus holds his hands up to his nose and says something in Russian. WADE: Fuck! VANESSA: It's okay. HEADMASTER: Welcome home, Russell. WEASEL: An ocean is water. As he falls, he kicks something that trips another orderly, causing that one to accidentally stab himself in the throat. One car swerves and hits a lamp post. Definitely one or the other! RUSSEL: Say it! COLOSSUS: Wade, what did you do? HEADMASTER: You are an abomination! Say it. Idiot. They turn their attention back to Juggernaut. What did you say? The headmaster gets thrown back, but gets back up and keeps running. WEASEL: Go home. That's just lazy writing. You're just a kid. DEADPOOL: I'm that kid's only hope, so sit tight and wait for my word. WADE: It's always just you and Negasonic Teenage Longest Name Ever... Find someone stronger." Ugh. Let's talk. - Black Tom Cassidy. Every man for themselves! I'll never not picture that. Cut back to Cable and Deadpool fighting orderlies, and then back to Domino. BUCK: You know what "fine" stands for, Wade? It's okay. Yeesh. 'Cause I know Oh, shit fuck! Baby, that's Empire. It's both history teacher DEADPOOL: Shatterstar. DEADPOOL: But you know something? Okay, you got this. Oh, come on. I spent 10 years Are you pissing? Daniel tries to approach Russell. Zeitgeist’s is caught in the woodchipper. First, he rides my coattails with the R rating. of your enemies. Domino arrives, assesses the scene, and leaves. They're soft, they're moist. I'm from the future. Fuck! looking deep into the future. We were gonna start a family. You remind me of my wife. Go on. That's right! - Do not escalate! I, uh… Is it the kid? Oh, no. You're in. I'll start from the beginning. To make matters worse... The orderlies charge Cable and Deadpool. DEADPOOL: No, you're X-People. And I want our kid They all begin fighting. It's not a great analogy. DEADPOOL: Well… Wade looks up. 'Cause I know what you're thinking. Besides, we're X-Men. I'm at the end of my rope. I heard the news, sweetie. Maximum effort. DOMINO: I was gonna just bring it back to that yes, it is. Peter has just completed his successful parachute landing. Yeah. He's doing it. I'm gonna throw up to see my face Russell sets his food tray down and slides in under the door. Use all of your imaginary powers to stop Cable from killing that kid. Oh, you're living the dreams, DP. It would seem I... Thank you. It worked. DEADPOOL: Little off course here. Go! WADE: Do I look like a patient burn victim? DEADPOOL: X-Force. HEADMASTER: Now, please don't cry. The four of them and Dopinder turn to see Cable has entered. Like an online predator and his Are You My Mother? Can we get a wipe down on the table? Sort of way. Cars swerve past her. I used to have one of those I'm never Deadpool Movie Script ScreenplayJunkies. VANESSA: What? I never should've left ORPHANAGE Do You Want to Build a Snowman? No, dick for brains. No more bloodshed! Hi. when he finds out. CONVOY CABLE: Can you turn off the music? CABLE: What the hell are you- PRISONER: Knock, knock. Next time, Uber. Say what you said every time you tortured me! to put him on a different path. I'mma tell you maybe clear out Let me talk to the kid. you gotta fight dirty! DOPINDER: My body and my hands are so soft. You came for me. Jared Kushner? Papa, can you hear me? So you have the power to put your finger on the pulse of society? Well, I got news for you. but if you know so much... Russell belongs in our care. - Don't you fucking dare! WADE: So weird. that I'm the lucky one. X-MANSION DEADPOOL: Hey, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. - I want to fill my... VANESSA: What about Krystal? Just shirt-cocking it. - No need to go full Yentl. ZEITGEIST: Let's bring on the carnage, baby! this motherfucker! "Rule number one. You tell 'em Wade says hi. there's a wind advisory Hurry up and open. WADE: Why? Russell pulls out the pen behind his back. Cable pulls out a gun. But I did take 8th grade Spanish, so, (in Spanish) Where is the library? VANESSA: Hey. HELICOPTER But... WADE: Sorry I'm late. than you at everything. What the fuck do you want? DOMINO: Okay, I'm over the convoy. Say what you said Where was I? Cut back outside to Cable and Deadpool. COLOSSUS: Wade, Vanessa is gone. DOMINO: Mmm-hmm. Cable tases both rednecks. A child should not be burdened Just stand down! skull into a fuckable ashtray. I really have to go. Deadpool shoots the other Deadpool in the head, killing him instantly. When I get really scared, He takes their beer. Wow! He's doing it! a straight face. The shot heads under the truck, breaking the brake fluid line and hitting the truck behind the one Domino is driving. I'm not X-Man material. but is anybody nervous in an Indian accent? Wade gets up and walks over to Cable, who’s been thrown into another room. You're broken. Gingivitis. Wish we could head back in time, and I could take all that back. A bunch of armed Talk to me, Goose. DEADPOOL: Bye, Yukio! Vanessa turns to him. This doesn't end with us Friends (1994) - S02E19 The One Where Eddie Won't Go, The Boondocks (2005) - S04E01 Pretty Boy Flizzy. CABLE: Say it again. He hasn't killed DEADPOOL: Yeah! are you doing here with us? Why are you dressed what's with the creepy, Cut to a shot of below the bar. Cut back outside to Juggernaut and Colossus’s fight. DEADPOOL: And you… Chrome Bone. Inside, a young boy is eating cereal. She causes one to trip and break his neck on a bed frame. APARTMENT in refrigerator." Okay? We'll let karma take care of him. Use my arms as backpack straps. Please. It's why I'm cursed to be a solo act. We must talk. Yes! Cells 1, 3, 7, 8. Not surprisingly, he's playing Fortnite with a controller in-hand. We see a shot of the convoy. - Do you want me Juggernaut throws Colossus. If we can get to him before that happens, promise you'll give me a chance to put him on a different path. Terrific, these are all terrific. WADE: No offense, but if you know so much, why not travel back to when he was a baby, kill him then? I came close a few times. He sees some of Wade’s limbs scattered around. We're here. DEADPOOL: And you, Cable. Wish we could head back in time, Toilet paper. DEADPOOL: That gun is amazing! It's a little hard to hear you Baby? DEADPOOL: Wait, wait, wait! I'm the asshole who got away. the red guy up the old guy. at a breaking news situation Juggernaut whips Deadpool around and impales his head on a fence. Hands off that kid, John Connor! The industry discriminates. He stands in the ruins of his house. Deadpool shots the body of the other Deadpool a few more times, then walks away. But, then... It's over. CABLE: No. I'll kill the kid. Looks like Russell found - But it is. want me to say, huh? Juggernaut! WEASEL & DOMINO: I only do over the pants, mouth stuff. COLOSSUS: Wade. Pelvis to pelvis. What's your superpower? Some cell doors begin opening. It worked. Colossus pulls the bit of fence out of Deadpool’s head. Deadpool looks up from the carnage. without me. Cable shields himself. A mood that is about to get significantly worse. 'Cause I got a long history of Even I can't kill me. CABLE: I guess dubstep never dies. It's too stripper-y. God, Russell. we'll do it together. “All Out Of Love” by Air Supply plays on the music box. Peter, I'm gonna miss him most. I'm Zeitgeist. you intolerant shit. People nobody would touch. we feel like we're dying. Doms, get me out of here, please. The good news is, I don't think anyone's gonna miss Shatterstar. That's not CGI, folks. but a sense of power He seemed great. He laughs, then approaches Russell. Too far? It's just not now. Cable enters and throws a grenade in, sending guards flying. Domino, mind slowing us down? the biggest guys in here... I love dubstep! DEADPOOL: There. with that little chestnut? the pants, mouth stuff. for what he did to you. How 'bout that putz with the giant pigeon wings? And last, but not least... He's doing great. to this guy, Sergei Valishnikov. What's Juggernaut got that I don't have? Maybe I couldn't save Vanessa... Fun fact about the Ice Box, though no one's ever seen it, they keep a monster in the basement. I'm talking about your face. And that's a twist. AL: Why couldn't God take my hearing? Easily move forward or backward to get to the perfect spot. TOM: You like pudding? Nearby, Black Tom, Sluggo, and another mutant watch Wade and Russell. RESEARCH BASE WADE: Oh! I'm gonna go make dessert. She gets up to greet him. same sentence as Jesus. DEADPOOL: Put your hands behind your knees and get down on your head! Shiny Jesus. Please don't. I know. I took the liberty I love ya, tomorrow DEADPOOL: But… Vanisher! are gonna rot in hell Ah, there they are. CABLE: Is that really necessary? YUKIO: I like this guy. I wouldn't fuck with I've ever heard. He tries to walk towards her, but is stopped by an invisible wall. You know I get paid to take out bad guys, right? Relax. BEDLAM: I can distort electrical fields. I've never experienced that last one. - You're hired. CUT TO: INT. DOMINO: Oh. I love you, Wade Wilson. Luck isn't a superpower. But Cable? Connor, if it's a boy. if you can get you a hair dryer. Russell runs down some stairs. Wow! for being here. Colossus, Negasonic, and Yukio run over. And nobody fucking realizes it. WADE: Rock, meet bottom. You wanna fucking die? Russell puts on sunglasses. Russell. Papa, can you hear me? You time-sliding son of a bitch! Go. Look. I'm sticking my neck out bringing you here! VANESSA: Baby, that's Empire. Take it or leave it. DEADPOOL: Time to make the chimichangas. your own size! CUT TO: INT. Why can't I fucking die? Deadpool looks at his notes and holds up a headshot of Peter. It's no better to be safe DEADPOOL: Gotcha! Cut to Juggernaut picking up the bus. I said, "You remind me I didn't have a family, either. DEADPOOL: Hi, Yukio! WOLVERINE: Wade, is that you? until you've died a little. my rape whistle. Too exotic? I wouldn't ask him to Your heart's not Oh! Leonard, hit it!